The day I decided to go to my first model interview down in London I felt on top of the world slightly checking my appearance in the mirror before leaving the hotel but, positive I could achieve the goal I wanted to reach and, become a model.
I walked into the model agency with a feeling only to be described as a nervous tingle in the corner of my stomach.
Then came the hardest words I had heard in my life, as the silence dropped and the model scouts mouth opened to say “your simply not good enough”, and carried on to say my skin needed improving and my weight was a problem.
Being a healthy weight how could that possibly be to heavy, but as a fifteen year old boy I accepted the decision
and walked out with a complete feeling of rejection not just from the modelling world but, by society itself.
As I arrived home to a small station in the Northumberland countryside, I felt not just crushed but I felt a huge responsibility to change.
The next weeks I dropped out of school, I stayed in my room only coming out when I needed to piut more face cream on or wash my face again, as the the fear of being ugly got worse so did my obsessional behaviour
The hours seemed to get longer and, the amount of pictures I took got higher, and my misery got worse.
Six months of housebound checking, applying face creams and not seeing my friends made me feel suicidal.
The days seemed to hard to bare, so on a rainy day unsurprisingly in the north east I decided I would take a overdose.
All I can remember was the flashing lights of the ambulance and ending up in hospital.
The feeling of anger I had for my parents stopping me from killing myself was huge, but I was simply unwell taken over by this very real illness.
I decided to seek help the following week and luckily managed to get on a research program with the maudsley hospital in London.
They helped me realise that people don’t look that closely at me, and my thoughts that my skin was bad where actually a imagined flaw, but also that everyone gets a spot, and regarding my weight I was actually underweight.
I am better know, and currently interning for a political party.
Don’t wait till your in that ambulance.
BDD is real
For more information about Danny’s campaign and to watch his film go to the Fixers website.