| Colin's Story: Obesity to Anorexia |
In September 2001, while out drinking with some mates, I had a picture taken of my best mate and me. When I had it developed, I couldn’t believe how big I was. I was over 20 stone in weight and looked terrible. I felt sick at the sight of me and that’s when I decided to do something about it. I started eating more sensible and soon I had lost 2 stone. I was very happy with this and decided to join a gym. I started going a couple of times a week and about 8 months later I was down to 16 stone. I couldn’t believe how easy it was and was so happy with myself, but still needed to lose more. If I could lose this much, so quickly, how hard could it be to lose even more? I started going the Gym on a Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday and on the other days would go cycling or something like that. The weight was falling off me and I felt great but I still wasn’t happy. Every time I looked in the mirror, I didn’t see how much weight I lost, I still saw the 20 stone man I was before. I started eating less and less. Some days I would be starving, so would chew gum to curb these cravings. I was weighing myself at least twice a day and if I put the slightest bit of weight on, I would feel guilty and disgusted with myself and would eat even less and workout even harder in the gym to make sure I lost that weight. By November 2003, which is when I turned 21 and a mere 2 years after I started, I was down to 10 and a half stone. I had family and friends saying I had lost too much weight and I looked ill, but I ignored them. Other people were coming up to me and saying how much weight I had lost, which made me feel great, so this spurred me on. I thought I looked good but still thought I needed to lose more weight. I still looked at myself as overweight, so I kept it up. I was now eating barely anything. I would have a tin of fruit salad for breakfast, a cereal bar for lunch and would have something like beans on toast or a bowl of cereal for dinner. I was exercising everyday, which consisted of a five-mile run and weight training. I was obsessed. It didn’t matter what was happening in the day, I would have to go the gym and if I missed it, I would be hell to live with. I was always getting ill. I was constantly going the doctors with one problem or the next. My liver and kidneys weren’t functioning right and had starting to develop gout in some of my fingers. I believe this is something people who drink a lot can get and the reason I had got it was I wasn’t eating any food at all, but was going out drinking with my mates all weekend, every weekend, which meant this was the only constant thing that I was putting in my body. I was always constipated too, so took laxatives everyday nearly. I found this helped the weight loss too. There was no way I was going to be that fat again, so would do anything to keep the weight off. I kept this up for a while, until I met Vicky in April 2004. I fell in love straight away. We started going out, so she noticed my eating problems early on in our relationship. She lived with it for a few months, my constant gym visits, eating next to nothing all the time, etc. It all came to a head one night when she offered my some chocolate and I refused. We had a massive fight about my problem and she said couldn’t handle what I was doing to myself and didn’t know how much longer she could put up with it. This scared me, as I thought she would leave me, so the very next day, I changed. It wasn't easy, far from it. I would describe it as the hardest thing I have ever done. To try and change my mindset from basically thinking that food is evil and if I eat even a little too much, that I will be 20 stone again in no time, to "hey, food isn't that bad, as long as your sensible with it", took along time to sink in. But I did it. I started having a proper breakfast (cereal), lunch (sandwich), and a proper healthy dinner. I started enjoying all the foods that I deprived myself of for years, especially chocolate. I always have and always will have a sweet tooth. I even started going the gym less. It took a long time to adjust back what most people know as normal. Every time I had something a little unhealthy or didn’t go the gym when I would normally would or put a little weight on, I would feel sick with myself, and I got upset sometimes. With the support of my friends and family and Vicky especially, I got through it all. Now, I couldn’t be happier. Vicky and I got married last year, which was the most amazing day of my life. We own our own home and have a mad puppy that drives us both nuts. I haven't been on a set of scales for a year now. I roughly weigh around 14 and a half stone. I still go running 3-4 times a week and have weights in the garage that I workout with, but that’s it. I am a little bit overweight for my liking at the present, so am trying to lose a little bit of weight, but if I don’t then I know it’s not the end of the world. I certainly wont be starving myself to do it, I love my food far too much to do that. I can’t believe I can say that now. When I look back now at the pictures from my 21st, I realise what my family and friends were saying. I looked ill. I felt ill. I was just skin and bones. I had no meat on me at all and for a lad that is nearly 6ft, was far too much under weight. I had gone from being clinically obese to what I was told later was Anorexia. It has taken me nearly 6 years to realise that. It has taken a long time to get myself out of that mind set. To realise that it doesn’t matter that if I’m a little overweight or have a bit of a belly, that it’s not the end of the world. I am still better off than when I was clinically obese and that’s the most important thing. |