I always had the impression eating disorders were something only young or teenage women would get. Truthfully I never had much sympathy for them, I always thought how stupid it was not to eat! Well, it’s fair to say my previous opinions have changed somewhat. I'm a man with an eating disorder, and it’s a horrible thing to have to admit and a horrible place to be. I now have complete sympathy for anyone who has had to go through anything similar to myself.

Unfortunately eating disorders surround me, as a number of my friends have either been bulimic or anorexic and one is currently trying to recover from anorexia. That friend is the one who made me realise I also had a problem, although I refused to accept it for sometime. In fact, I was angry at her for a while for even suggesting it, even though I now realise I've had this for over five years. My problem revolves around compulsive exercise and many of the traits of anorexia. I should also highlight something - I am attempting to recover without any formal professional help (so far successfully). This decision not to get professional help was down to the stigma involved with having an eating disorder. I have to notify work about any mental health conditions and yet in reality the work side of my life has been manageable it’s my personal life that was a mess. Furthermore, once I accepted my condition, I made sure I tried to understand why I was like this and understand eating disorders as best as possible by seeking the help of my closest friends who probably have more knowledge of eating disorders due to their own experience than any professional.

 It all started innocently enough by me trying to get a bit fitter while I was in university by swimming a few times a week (which I enjoyed). I started losing weight, quite liked that feeling, so continued to increase the exercise without really increasing what I ate (if I exercised I would have three meals a day) and changed my eating habits to something I felt was more healthy, cutting out anything I considered unhealthy and punishing myself if I ate any of these foods. In terms of my weight for many years technically I didn't lose that much weight (although I've always been quite thin). However, because I was still developing and growing when it started I should have been putting on weight naturally as I grew- that never happened. As for the exercise it got to the stage where I would run or swim every morning for about half an hour. If I swam I would also cycle to the pool, a round trip of four miles (not flat). In addition to this, while I was in university I would walk everywhere, cycle to campus and play football a couple of times a week without eating any more. This would be done seven days a week, regardless of the weather and regardless of any injury or illness. This continued to be the case until very recently, where now in the world of work, I have on occasions got up at 3am to go for a run because I knew I would be working a long shift but HAD to exercise. Not only that but my work was very active, and once again I cycled to and from work with the return journey including a long and steep climb. There were times I've been for a run in agony due to an injury, but ignored it because I HAD to exercise to be able to eat. There were other occasions where I was so tired I was barely capable of running any further due to no energy and feeling faint. If I went away for the weekend and ate something I thought I shouldn't or knew that I would be unable to exercise that day I would cut out a meal, or reduce my portion size, simply because I thought I had to punish myself for eating something unhealthy or for not exercising.